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i can't be modified - randall [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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i can't be modified [Dec. 1st, 2003|03:50 pm]
[mood |worriedworried]
[music |ours / seatbelts / tea party]

as said before, maybe it is time for me to grow up and just get a job. not osmething that i'd enjoy, but something that i could make money doing. something that you hate to do, but you do it because you have to. so far in life i've never settled when it came to where i wanted to work, and you'd think with my experience as third key at sam goody, assistant manager at c.d. warehouse and senior sales at pacific sunwear that i could get a management position just about anywhere i wanted to. but there's always the draw back of how i look and how well i am at "selling" myself. i can't sell me worth shit.

it's been three weeks since i've hung out with erin, and i've only see her a couple times inbetween, but i still think of her just as much. i don't think any girl has ever infected me so. i know i don't have anything more than a slight infatuation with her. there's no real emotions, because there's been nothing to build on. i just got this urge to be around her, to want to get to know her. i'm thinking about rose more, and that scares me. once again, i know there's no emotion's there that would constitute me wanting relationship status, but she pops into my head a lot. maybe it's because i've never had that relationship with a girl, that i could be really good friends with her, get along with her great and not fall for her.
i don't know, i don't know what's going on with me lately. i feel empty, but as usual i feel content with everything. i occasionally become frustrated with my situation but soon just go back to not really caring, not really wanting to do anything to change where i am at.
as a great physicist once said, "i'm an emotional failure." if i wasn't, i just may have the abilities to get my life on track.

it's really all become to much
i'm not sure what i should feel
i guess i finally had enough
i don't know if this is real
i'm crashing in and out of touch
can anyone explain?

is it real?

is it safe to look within
and erase all that's been
and all that's been between
is it gone, tell me what went wrong
cause baby, i'm not that strong
and i'm walking wounded all alone