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so i never update this one. maybe it's because i have so little… - randall [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[ archive | journal archive ]

[Sep. 23rd, 2003|01:48 am]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |the nothing song / untitled #4]

so i never update this one.

maybe it's because i have so little worth even saying on the other one, that i couldn't possibly have anything that could possibly justify my having two journal's.

at this moment i feel completely alone. i look at my life and see nothing and no one around me. i don't make much of an effort anymore and the few people that i did hang out with pick up on that and return the favor. making it even harder to pick up the pieces of what barely passed as friendships in the first place. i'd say there's still only three people that i can truely call friends in my life right now. many aquantinces, but i'm never into the relationship enough to make it anything more than that. i know a lot of good people (at least they seem to be good people) but i'm such self-inflicted-leper when it comes to social situations. by either my personality, morals or inhibitions, i segregate myself without even giving others the chance. everything i can to form a bubble to keep the possibility of others hurting me as far away as possible, while instead placing my own blade into heart. i come out of most situations undamaged by other's, but i've left myself with many wounds.

this weekend i want to buy a baby doll and lay it to rest, as i wish i could've layed my daughter to rest when there was no body to commit to the ground.

desire, left alone.